I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
