I want to have your abortion
I think I died a long time ago.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
