That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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