so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
