he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dignity is for republicans.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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