A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
