You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
