Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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