Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
