It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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