That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
