i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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