it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm like, not good at living.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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