Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
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I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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