WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
