i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
