dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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