I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
