I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He felt like a one man threesome
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
