Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
