worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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