Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
