1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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