Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
