There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Two words: blizzard sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
