HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
