Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
