its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
