My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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