mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
