if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
