If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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