if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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