I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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