I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
