Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
