just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize