Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
