It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
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Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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