My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
