so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
