You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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