i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
