weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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