I wish my penis had an off switch
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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