You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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