I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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