The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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