I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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