You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
pop tarts are not kleenex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
