dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
