i may or may not be watching the land before time
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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