birth control should be required to get into college
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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