Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
