We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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