I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
