I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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