i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
