my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
