Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
