Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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