Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
